Marriage Success Series: Lesson 7

RCCG Agape House of Worship

Marriage Success Class

Lesson 07 - Love and Submission
Text: Ephesians 5:21-26, I Corinthians 13: 8

Ephesians 5: 2 I -26 can be called the constitution of marriage; it clearly summarizes the roles and responsibilities of  husband and wife in a godly marriage. Marriage is the first institution created by God. God makes husband and wife differently and gives them different roles in the institution of marriage. Husband and wife are unique in their make and function and the purpose is so they can be one. God works through authority hence leadership in the relationship is in the hand of the man. He therefore holds the man responsible for whatever happens in the marriage. The man must understand leadership as a matter of responsibility and use the authority to serve the woman. No authority can function without God; he must therefore submit himself to God so he can function properly. The woman is to submit to the husband therefore allowing the man to take responsibility for the marriage.

UNDERSTANDING LOVE
The Bible indicates that love is from God, In fact the Bible says "God is love." Love is one of the primary characteristics of God. Likewise God has endowed us with the capacity for love. This capacity for love is one of the ways in which we are created in the image of God.

Types of Love: Though mostly translated as love, there are three Greek words in the original bible manuscript that were generally translated to the English word "love" in the Bible. They are:
1. EROS: Generally translated as lust or fleshy desire; in the bible it is usually portrayed in a negative sense. 2. PHILEO: It means to have affection (sentiment, passion or feeling) for. A fondness based in the heart. What the Greeks meant by Phileo love is what we normally think of the words "brotherly love" today.
3. AGAPE: It means to choose to seek the best for others. This is a love based in the mind; we can chose to show agape love by actively thinking about and deciding how we act toward other people. Agape is the word used when the Bible talks about Christian love for one another. Agape love is talking about our behavior towards others not our feelings. It is the purest and highest form of love.

Loving Your Wife like Jesus Did: Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. The love of Christ can be described as:

•  Sacrificial love - Christ loves the Church sacrificially, He gave himself for her, a husband must be willing to sacrifice himself (time, money, convenience, desires etc) for the wife. 
• Selfless love - Selfless means not selfish, not looking for personal gain of benefit. A loving husband puts thewife's needs first; he does not base decision on personal gain. 
• Steadfast love - The word steadfast means unchanging, steady or consistent. The husband must be consistent and unwavering in his love for the wife. He does not base his love for his wife on her behavior.

How to Demonstrate Love
1. Demonstrate before your wife stability and direction of spiritual leadership. I Timothy 3:1-4. 2.
2. Let your wife see that you cherish and delight her as a person. Col. 3:19, Eph. 5:25,29.
3. Women want to feel wanted, special, loved and appreciated, let her know that she is meeting some vital needs in your life that no other woman can provide. Proverbs 5:15-20.
4. Even though you are the head, make her have a sense of equality with you in your decisions.
5. She must be tendered; you must help out with household chores, taking care of kids, etc.
6. Your responsibility as a man is that of provision not of power. I Timothy 5:8.
7. Show understanding other person by protecting her in the area of her weaknesses.
8. Provide a loving direction by being firm and demonstrating a healthy confidence.
9. Commend her constantly and rebuke her gently when you have to.
10. Your wife should be the only one that knows your ins and outs.
11. Your first responsibility is to your home; hence put your wife and your family first in all you do.

UNDERSTANDING SUBMISSION
Submission means to surrender your ways and let go of your will. It means acceptance of someone else's authority.

Submissive - to be submissive means to be gentle and willing to obey order.
Submit - to submit means to surrender or yield oneself to the will/authority of another and agreeing to obey.

POINTS TO NOTE:
1. Submission is not mindless obedience. It does not excuse participating in abusive or sinful behavior.
2. Submission is not manipulating: It does not mean pretending to be dumb to have your way.
3. Submission in Marriage means putting yourself under control. It should be willingly and voluntarily. The true test is how you react when your husband makes a decision you do not agree with.
4. When you submit you allow the man to be responsible to God for his leadership.

WHY SUBMIT?
Genesis 3:16
1. It is obedience to God's commandment.
2. It is a relief to you as a woman. When you submit you give God the freedom to hold him accountable.
3 A man can only be successful with a submissive woman. Hence your submission determines his success.
4. Lack of submission can attract curses to your home. I I Samuel 6:20
5. Submission is the essence of power and of influence.
6. Submission is the pathway to freedom and fulfillment.
7. Without submission there is quarrel, problem and divorce, etc.

HOW SHOULD YOU SUBMIT?
1. Respect him and demonstrate that you depend on him in all areas, spiritual, financial, etc.
2. Do not resist his physical affection, accommodate him even when you do not feel like
3. Acknowledge his God given responsibility; don't be authoritative on what you want him to do.
4. Refrain from seeking outside counsel without his knowledge.
5. Do not contradict, challenge or embarrass him in public. Even when you disagree with him apply wisdom.
6. Allow him be the spokesman for the family. If you have to because of his personality always refer to him.
7. Be responsive to your less than perfect man, resist every temptation to take advantage of his weakness, encourage him even when he fails. Congratulate and commend him at every opportunity.
8. Always acknowledge his hard work, show gratitude for every gesture he makes to you and support him with hard work, don't be the sole consumer.
9. Develop your inward and outward beauty. Let your mode of dressing and your home reflect his taste.
10. Respect and honor his friends, parents and family members; this applies to both sides (man and woman).
I 1. Let your husband be your best friend.