Thankful Thursday: Feels Like I'm Born Again

I hate to think that I almost skipped this Thankful Thursday post. Only because I know deep down inside what I'm thankful for the most this week, but not sure if and to what extent I should write about it. But here I am, giving you a glimpse of what my week has been like.

This week has been a FULL week for me emotionally and spiritually, and I use the word full loosely. It's that feeling that you get when something is weighing very heavily on your heart, or when you feel like you are carrying too much than you can bear.  So this week has been sort of a roller coaster for me. I glad I'm not in the same place I was at the beginning of the week anymore, I'm glad I shed off the load that was weighing so heavily, that was obviously not meant for me to bear, I'm glad I've made a change, and I'm glad the road ahead is looking brighter.

This song sums up my feelings as we draw close to the end of this week. A week that I'll always remember in my heart, not by date but by the experience.

Many Christians can talk about a single experience that changed their lives forever; a moment when they realize they have a decision to make and acknowledge God. Well, I can't really tell you that I experienced a moment or feeling or conviction in my spirit that rocked my world and lead me Christ. I was born in a Christian home, raised in the church, went to Sunday school, bible study, church camp, you name it I was there. So, I don't really remember when I made that personally decision, but I'm sure I did at some point and I've lived/tried to live my life in a way pleasing to God, in the ways I was taught and in the ways of the good examples that surrounds me. I have a personal relationship with God, but not the way it should be and not at the level I want it to be.

Lately, and by lately I mean a couple of months now, I have been burdened, I had this hunger in my soul, something wanting to be released, to be recognized, but I kept suppressing it and moving on. This week it got to a point where I could not fail to recognize what it was, I could not push it aside anymore and I surcommed to it. It was my hunger for God, for His word, for His spirit, for His understanding, wisdom and knowledge, for His presence, for His relationship and for His friendship. I wanted Him inside of me, it's almost hard to explain the feelings....the moments I acknowledged it, I felt free and broken at the same time.
I go to church, I pray, I read the bible mostly when it's convenient, and do things you would expect from a Christian. But I have realized it's a different thing to do it when you are told to because that's right thing to do and you're just going through the motions as oppose to doing it for all the right reasons in your heart.

So, this week I feel like I'm "Born Again", just like the song says. Not in the sense that I'm just recognizing that there is a God and I'm giving my life to Him, but in that I feel like I am renewed and redeemed, like my eyes are open and I see beyond what I saw before, like life is all new, like I can have a two-way conversation with God, like it is not that hard after-all to have a relationship with Him, like I can be friends with Him. I know to get to the place I ultimately want to be, it's going to be a long journey and we (God and I) are going to need to do a lot of work on me, stripping, breaking and remolding. Some have already been done and some weight have been lifted off. I know it will not be easy and challenges will arise, but I am confident in the promise of God.

This is probably the only time for now till....that I'll write in depth about this personal journal I'm embarking on and my experiences, highs and lows. The rest I'll keep between myself, God and a pen and paper.

This Thursday, I am Thankful for the work God is doing in my life. For the way He's doing it and for the time He has chosen to do it. Thankful because I now know what it feels like to want Him not just to need Him.

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